Breaking up with someone is one of the most difficult things that you will do in your life, especially if the relationship ended badly.  My latest ex prolonged our break up for almost a year.  A slow break up gives you the impression that the relationship may be saved, when that is not the case at all.  It’s just plain selfish.  Being dragged along, is not a good feeling and it can really reck your self confidence and self esteem.  I’m a stubborn and determined person by nature, so I healed from my relationship from shire determination.  Here’s how I grew as a person, gained self love and built a business while healing from a bad relationship and an even  worse break up.

I wake up early and do about 5 minutes of stretching.  Then I get up and make my bed immediately.  After preparing my coffee, I wash my face and brush my hair.  I tutor English early in the morning, so I begin work fairly early.  This helps me to keep my mind clear and positive right away.  It helps me smile as soon as I get up in the morning.  I enjoy tutoring and talking to people in the morning, but when im not tutoring, I will read or write in the morning.  Next, I make my breakfast and get to work.

At the beginning of my break up I would say affirmations several times  throughout the day, but currently I only need to say my affirmations in the morning.  They are on my desk, so whenever I see them, I will repeat them.

I began having new hobbies and strengthened the hobbies that I already had.  So I made a daily commitment to working on my hobbies a little bit everyday.  I worked on enriching my life through learning new languages, reading more often, journalling my thoughts and feelings and painting in my spare time.

Next I started to focus more on my business and growing my income.  I really dove into earning more money and growing my new business.  This might not seem healthy, but staying busier really helped me focus more on myself and less on the break up.  I enjoyed meeting new people, and gaining new experiences each day.  It opened my eyes to the fact that there is much more in life other than my problems and my past relationship.  I never noticed how much energy I put into my toxic relationship.  I truly gave 110% to my relationship, so in a sense, I began giving myself 110%.

I made plans and goals everyday.  I gave myself small goals to conquer everyday so I felt better about accomplishing tasks and I felt better about myself.  By making small goals and to do lists everyday, I gave myself a reason and purpose in life. These goals will give you a reason to get out of bed and to get something done.  You go to bed feeling accomplished and with a purpose in life.  I didn’t allow my life to be idle, I put goals in front of me.  And I stopped at nothing to achieve those goals.  Make yourself a task based schedule to fill up your life with purpose and tasks to complete.

I allowed myself time to cry.  I allowed myself to feel sad at times and to tear up.  I let my emotions out, knowing that tomorrow, I will feel better.  And I did feel better.  I let it all out then I let those sad feelings go.  It also helped to write a letter to my ex, expressing those disappointments and emotions I felt, then I burn the letter.  I wrote it all down and I talked it out those emotions when they arose.  I let those sad emotions go out into the universe so I could feel better about myself

I told everyone that we were no longer together.  This action really put the nails in the coffin of my  relationship.  I didn’t allow myself to go back and to rethink my convictions.  I held tight to the reason we were no longer together.  I didn’t change my positions or convictions.  I held onto my beliefs and desires to be loved and cared about.  I deserve validation and I deserve to have a relationship with someone who truly cares about me. And I repeated those beliefs to myself everyday.

I made plans with friends and family.  I traveled more to see other people.  I spent time with the people I love, I made new adventures by doing different activities, like hiking, theme parks, the beach, nature trails and new restaurants.  I didn’t wait for other people to make plans with me, I called them and asked them to do something fun with me.  I also went on more adventures by myself.  I ate at restaurants by myself, hiked in the woods, exercised alone and traveled by myself.

All relationships are difficult to heal from, but bad relationships are even worse to get past.  The best thing that you can do for yourself is to heal and grow into a new, better version.  Don’t count on someone else to come along and heal you.  Heal yourself first.  Concentrate on yourself and your personal goals.  No matter how long your relationship was, or how difficult it was to leave, remember that you will heal if you work towards healing.  Healing from past trauma or relationships takes time and effort.  Don’t expect miracles or changes over night, just work towards feeling better a little bit everyday by actively working on yourself.